What is Authority Complex?
I'm so glad you asked
This hummingbird keeps landing in the same exact place, on the sharp end of a giant yucca leaf, right in front of my face. It’s very distracting. My desk is in the office/guest room that is currently getting converted into a nursery, and there’s a large window that looks out on several species of palm, cactus, agave, and bougainvillea. The hummingbird buzzes over to the giant bird of paradise, where it pokes its needly beak into what I just learned is called a bract, the dark blue, canoe-like structure that shoots out flowers. Hummingbirds are common in this zone of Los Angeles, but I’ve seen dozens of them the last few days. So small, their wings so rapidly fluttering, they sometimes remind me more of insects than birds, palmetto bugs specifically, the fat juicy kinds in Florida.
Anyhow, welcome to Authority Complex. Have a seat if you haven’t already. Grab anything you want from the fridge. I’m starting this newsletter, vaguely, because my wife and I are having a child, due August 13. I thought it’d be fun to provide a window onto this life-changing event, and also, as a freelance writer and editor, someone whose pay depends on the whims and winds of kooky capitalism, I’m hoping this provides more cha-ching each month so I can work on more writing that is strictly my own, in the Goyanesque house style.
Authority Complex will include more personal material, some of it riskier and risquer than what usually gets published elsewhere. You can expect essays, fiction, interviews, reviews, and of course, missives as I descend into sleepless euphoric madness! Picture Authority Complex as a garden filled with monuments to fringe figures, bordered by strange lush hedges and rare carnivorous plants. It’s a calming but also sometimes sorta creepy place where I get to be more vulnerable and muscular and extra. The last blog I had was a Livejournal 20 years ago. Pretty cringe stuff I’m sure. But also honest and straight from the source in a way I’ve been missing lately. At the end of the day this is a place to do whatever the fuck I want, for better and worse, with minimal oversight. It’s 2025 baby!!
Which brings me back to a/the subtext. Your financial support of this endeavor will probably go towards diapers, which is amazing, and as I get closer to parenthood I’ve been thinking, naturally, about my own dad, who was and is not that great at the whole thing. When I think of him, I think of two very different figures: a neglectful and selfish asshole prone to bouts of violence, and a sweet, Zen-like disabled dude who got a second chance. Throughout this newsletter’s lifespan I’ll get into his story, as well as the stories of other parental figures, real and imagined, and a bunch of other stuff. Here’s a preview of some pieces I have in the chamber:
the story of my mom and dad meeting at Mac’s Club Deuce on South Beach at the height of Miami’s cocaine-fueled redevelopment
interviews with a very wide spectrum of humans
an essay about my alien abduction experience
a travel piece that’s mostly about sex during pregnancy (if you are my in-laws please disregard)
I decided on the title “Authority Complex” before looking it up. I thought it meant the psychological tendency of giving authority figures the finger, a tendency I myself am prone to, but actually, an authority complex is any consistent, problematic pattern of behavior in relation to authority. So it could also mean absolute subservience to it at all times. As I enter the parent-child relationship, I think this makes it an even more fitting title. Don’t you? But don’t get it twisted. This is not your typical parenting blog. Authority Complex is more about, mmm, let’s call them civilizational daddy issues, how we all get marbled by power, history, culture, and each other.
(I didn’t plan to launch this thing while the US military is entering the city I live in, but yes, those kinds of authority are also subjects I’ll be writing about, and also, I’ll be donating a portion of June subscriptions to families impacted by the ICE operations.)
Right now I’m aiming to publish two to three times a month. I’ll also publish print pieces that never went online, stuff that’s been lost to time, as well as excerpts from two novels in progress (your support will help me finish them!). I’m also reeeally hoping to publish and pay other writers here.
Anyway, thanks for reading this obligatory hummingbird post. A final note: Pretty much all of what I learned about fatherhood was from my mom, but my dad did impart a few good lessons on me even if they were totally unintentional. One of them was this: On those rare occasions when he was home and not being insane, I remember him laying back on the couch, reading newspapers, magazines, and book after book after book.